Kobe Bryant

I feel you Kobe. It sucks being part of an ensemble cast sometimes be it an NBA dynasty or a hit television show. You chose to go out on your own to do your own thing. I can’t blame you for that. You can’t cry about it now. When I left M*A*S*H they killed off my mother loving character. I had no way to go back. Neither do you. So quit your bitching and play some basketball. I have some floor seats I like to scalp for blow.

Charles Nelson Reilly

Dying is always a good career move. He’s also gay giving him another boost. This is the best thing Chuck could possibly do for his career.

Shaq

Holy shit this guy is awful on television. Who put a microphone in front of this guy? I hate when these assholes act like monotone dicks during their NBA career, but want to get into TV afterwards. After watching him lay huge monkey stinks in the movie Blue Chips, this guy needs to stay the hell away from a mic.

Roger Clemens

Not long after I had left M*A*S*H, I wanted desperately to get back on the show. Too bad they killed me off. Fortunately for Roger Clemens, the New York Yankees didn’t kill him off. So it is possible to return home again. People who take advantage of their celebrity to cash in on some extra money can upset people. Lord knows I have traded on my name to get a corner booth at Applebee’s from time-to-time. But I just don’t get why people have such a problem with Roger Clemens. If your work allowed you to take half a year off and made you the highest paid person in the company, you would take that deal right? Don’t kid yourself.