McLean's return

If you have missed me (you should), I'll be guesting over at THN on Thursday this week, with a look at Michael Strahan and the holdout quarterbacks. Please join me, my loyal, loyal fans.

The Hater Nation

I'm guesting over at The Hater Nation on Thursday. I've never heard of it, either. But I thought I would give it a shot, but this looks like one of my biggest blunders yet.

Billy Donovan

I really like this move. Billy might not ever have the success in the NBA that he had with the Florida Gators, but who cares, the dude is going to get paid. This might be like leaving a hit show during its apex, but sometimes you have to cash out when the time is right. I like to call it the Nick Saban principal. Kick ass in the college ranks, dupe some professional franchise into giving you $5 millioin per year, fail horribly, go back to college. It's a genius move. Look for Donovan to be back in the SEC in three to five years. If Gilespie fails in Kentucky, Donovan will be there to jump in. How can anybody argue with this?

Kobe Bryant

I feel you Kobe. It sucks being part of an ensemble cast sometimes be it an NBA dynasty or a hit television show. You chose to go out on your own to do your own thing. I can’t blame you for that. You can’t cry about it now. When I left M*A*S*H they killed off my mother loving character. I had no way to go back. Neither do you. So quit your bitching and play some basketball. I have some floor seats I like to scalp for blow.

Charles Nelson Reilly

Dying is always a good career move. He’s also gay giving him another boost. This is the best thing Chuck could possibly do for his career.

Shaq

Holy shit this guy is awful on television. Who put a microphone in front of this guy? I hate when these assholes act like monotone dicks during their NBA career, but want to get into TV afterwards. After watching him lay huge monkey stinks in the movie Blue Chips, this guy needs to stay the hell away from a mic.

Roger Clemens

Not long after I had left M*A*S*H, I wanted desperately to get back on the show. Too bad they killed me off. Fortunately for Roger Clemens, the New York Yankees didn’t kill him off. So it is possible to return home again. People who take advantage of their celebrity to cash in on some extra money can upset people. Lord knows I have traded on my name to get a corner booth at Applebee’s from time-to-time. But I just don’t get why people have such a problem with Roger Clemens. If your work allowed you to take half a year off and made you the highest paid person in the company, you would take that deal right? Don’t kid yourself.

Billy Gillispie

Gillespie was mere moments from taking his team to the Final Four. That is the kind of season that is celebrated in College Station, but that will get you fired in Lexington. Gillespie would have likely had his name emblazed on the floor at Texas A&M, but his career at Kentucky will likely find him retreating to some garden spot like South Florida or Nebraska. The only way this job works out well for Billy is if he gets to tap that sweet, sweet ass of Ashley Judd.

He will come to regret this job.

Bill Donovan

I know the grass always seems greener in places like Kentucky, but Bill, you need to pass on this job. Donovan is in the same boat I was in when I wanted to leave M*A*S*H and do my own thing, but I implore Billy right now to rethink the whole thing. I know there is something to be said taking on a new challenge and stretching your limits. The next thing you know you and Roddy McDowell are playing the straight man to The Cat from Outer Space. Just don’t do it Billy.

Edit: Billy Donovan made the right career choice, he is staying in Florida.

Tony Dungy

Tony Dungy is a man of principle, as long as people agree with him. Dungy noted in his key-note address to some fundamentalist church group that gays do not deserve the same equal rights as the rest of the world. Dungy hates freedom and he is also a tremendous hypocrite, seeing that he doesn't seem to mind that Peyton Manning is married.

I give this career move a solid thumbs down in terms of NFL coaching, but he will have a solid thumbs up if he ever wants to run for office as a Republican.

Tom Brady

I never had a problem with Tommy Boy when he wanted to upgrade from a worn-out actress to a super model. I never had a problem when he wanted to knock that actress up, either. But why would Tommy Boy want to ruin that sweet, sweet ass you see before you by planting his demon seed? Bad boy, Tommy.

Who do you think you are, Steve Garvey?

I give this career choice a solid thumbs down.

Nick Saban

How does old McLean think about Nick Saban leaving the Miami Dolphins? Smart move. It didn't look like things were going to work out for him in Miami. Two years, no improvement. Sometimes in life, like working on a new pilot, you have to know when a project is doomed. It's like if you are really good working in comedy, but you venture out to try your hand in drama, there is no shame in going back to comedy when you have failed in the serious acting.

Good move, Saban.